I had a fantastic time in Kampala with Chris and Chelsea. They were so awesome! My bus trip to Rwanda was very smooth and enjoyable and I got to Ruhengeri without even so much as a hitch. Sadly, I have come all the way out here for nothing. A complete waste of all that money for the airplane ticket, all the planning and vaccinations. All I get to do is deliver the supplies I brought. The soldiers will not let any white people (mzungus) go to the orphanage because of security threats. Rwanda is desperately trying to get its tourism industry off of the ground here and all it takes is one North American to get in trouble and they are squashed for another few years. I am helping to build a roof today for a grandmother taking care of 4 orphans just down the street from where I am staying in Ruhengeri but that will be completed tomorrow. The volunteer organization (GVN) is going to refund my fees and I have to leave by next Tuesday unless they can find a placement for me in another orphanage (probably in Kenya) but then I have to pay for the travel to get myself there.
To be honest, I can't express clearly how I feel. I don't think this is a good way to help in Africa anymore. I am completely disillusioned after only a week. Yes, there are many hard working people here desperately trying to rise out of the ashes of various wars and corruption (depending on the country) but there are more volunteer organizations for street children in Kampala than there are street children there. And if so, then why do you still see so many of their sad little faces? There is virtually no infrastructure from the local governments (although it is somewhat better here in Rwanda) and worse, because so much international aid comes here for free without expectation of repayment, many Africans have a very disturbing sense of entitlement to it. They all yell at mzungus for money, constantly everywhere I go and I am bombarded with requests and followed by children begging. I am traveling with no jewelry, no obvious wealth at all and still its constant just because I'm white.
Cathy told me about her goat project here, that often when she gives a poor family a goat, neighbours kill or lame the animal out of jealousy. Its unbelievable. How ridiculous is it that I come here in debt, to volunteer, to give help to Africa's children and I can't even get to the orphanage because some locals are planning to attack me for my few hundred dollars. I am so angry and so irritated I just want to lash out at them. Yell at them: How foolish you are! How little foresight you have! I want to put money into your economy, support education and training and you want to steal from me instead! I feel like they don't even deserve the help and at the same time I completely forgive the few lost souls that behave this way. What do they know but poverty and need? I am not here to judge but I am very disappointed. Disappointed in selfish ways. Disappointed that I don't get to hold the littles or spend time with Sister Marie. Disappointed that I chose this location and this time. Disappointed.
Dad- I need you to call me immediately. Mom and Jason have my new number. I don't know it off by heart and I don't want to pull my cell phone out in this packed cafe. Jason I would love to hear from you too and I can't seem to make calls but I can receive them.
I guess I'll see you all soon.
